Okay ladies, listen up

So I'm going to break something down here, and it's from experience, so listen closely. I don't want to spend more time on this than is necessary.

I'm sick of it, you're sick of it, we're all sick of it, asking the same old question: Why doesn't he call me?

Now listen closely ...... It's because he's just not that into you. (!!)

If you catch a man's attention, you'll know. If he wants to speak to you, he will. And if he wants your number, he'll get it. When you tickle a man's fancy, there's very little he won't do to see you again.

Enough with asking yourself what more you can do; you're wasting your time, energy, and self-respect. And I say that with love.

Haven't you ever been pursued by someone you didn't want to be pursued by? Has repetitive phone calls and emails ever changed that?

So why would you think that things don't affect them the same way?

When I first started dating my last boyfriend, it was a few months after we had met at a party of his (which my sister brought me to). I had gotten his email address, as I was collecting them from almost everyone, because I was three days away from leaving NYC to move to Seoul, and I wanted to stay in touch with the people whom I had just met. After sending my first couple mass emails upon arrival to South Korea, I removed people from the list who weren't responding. He was one of them.

Six months later, I was back in NYC and hanging out with my sister when we saw him again. The three of us went out for dinner, and as we walked back to her car he told me that his email address no longer worked. I took that as: you won't be able to reach me via email. And I was right to read it this way, because that is how he meant it.

I was only in NYC for three weeks (because I was due to head off to Madrid) and so one day, when I was bored early in that stay, I looked through my phone book and saw that he had given me his number alongside his email address six months prior. I figured that it would be fun to grab a drink, so I gave him a call. When he answered, he was laying in his bed watching tv. When he realized that it was me calling, he sat up, cleared his throat, and it was as if it was a different person speaking all of a sudden. It was really quite funny.

He told me that he'd be at a restaurant/bar not far from where I was staying, so we made plans to meet up. I brought a girlfriend along and made our way over when it was time.

We didn't see him when we arrived, so we got a table and proceeded to look through the menu. Not two minutes into it, a chair was pulled up to a side of our square table and he plopped down into it. He let us know that he was up at the bar with his friends and offered to get us a drink. We said yes, he got them, and proceeded to sit with us as we ate, leaving his friends up at the bar.

As we sat there and chatted as we ate, I kept catching his glances at me. I wasn't yet sure about how I felt about him though, so I just kept eating and talking, trying to pretend like I didn't notice. Next thing I knew though, he reached down underneath the table and pulled my chair in closer to his. Well, at least at this point I knew how he was feeling about me. But whatever, guys are guys are guys, and I was still not in the mood for this kind of advance.

We eventually finished our meal and joined him and his friends at the bar. We all drank, and talked, and laughed, and the night was off to a great start. Eventually though, like all great women do, I had to pee. So I got up and walked down the hall towards the bathrooms. As I approached them, he came out of one, and without a moment's notice, he grabbed me and kissed me right there, next to the toilet stalls and umbrellas.

Skipping now to the end of the night (and no, I'm not skipping any juicy details), we all left the restaurant and stood on its porch to figure out where to go next. I sat down to smoke a cigarette, and he sat down right next to me, offering his warmth in the winter's chill.

We ended up heading back to the apartment where my friend and I were staying, and once again, as we were all inside drinking away and laughing at each other's stories, he found me in the hallway and once again, grabbed me tight and kissed me.

But none of that was how he got me.

He got me because several days later I was studying for a Spanish test that I was taking that evening, and I had studied all day and hadn't eaten; I was at his apartment hanging out (and studying) and as I was running out the door to take the test he ran after me, with a sandwich, saying that he knew I'd be hungry soon...

So what I have to say is this: just like you are willing to go that extra mile for the man of your liking, so too will a man.

So forget about the great sex that you two might have had. (I know, it's hard.) But just as guys are guys are guys, sex is sex is sex. Get your rocks off, have some fun, but don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you had him in bed that he belongs in your heart.

Besides, it's important to get to know someone before you can consider them in that way (and vice-versa; he needs to get to know you!). And sure, we can read into things and see that he might be a good person, with a good sense of humor (and greaaat in bed) but let's stop reading in so deep. How about we just deal with men the way they are, one by one, instead of dealing with how we'd like them to be.

I promise, it's a lot easier that way.

And by all means, be as honest as you like when you're face to face, but beware of hidden expectations and reciprocations. Trust me, it's no fun admitting to a guy that you like him and not hear the same thing back.

So having said that, I hope that I haven't offended the shy or busy people out there who might now hate me for saying these things. But this is how I see it. If a man isn't making an effort to be in touch, then he's just not that into you. And that's ok. That means you don't spend your time wondering and waiting, or worse: sending emails and leaving messages that will never be returned. (I'd like to see a show of hands of people who wish there was a 'make that email disappear from his inbox' button.)

So, be smart, have fun, and don't let the man get you down.

Happy Wednesday. ;)