is like

thinking that this 

would never end

is like

believing rome

would never fall.

too much thinking not enough doing

gotta get things done
the forward push is all i need
then momentum will keep me going...

end of an era

the curtain's fallen
the lights are dimmed
the musicians have all gone home.
the seats are empty
the doors are locked
and here i stand alone.
i close my eyes
and i still see
the scene as it once was.
a story that ended
far too soon
as it always does.
t'was a story of love
of pain and love
of pain and love and tears.
t'was a long story
a story neverending
that lasted thru many years.
or so i thought
as i took my bow
thinking this'ld never end.
somehow it did
adieu to love
you're not even just a friend.
with all the years passed
it's hard to envision
the years still yet to come.
i can hardly grasp
the thought of today
i have gone completely numb.
i sit in the dark
i am all alone
and you are far away.
there's a part of me
wanting to wait for you
with hopes you'll be back to play.
but there's a part of me
that wants to stand
and get the fuck away from here.
why keep on holding onto you
when your disdain
is so painfully clear.
no one said goodbye
i just shut the door
before you could utter a sound.
and now i stand
on my own two feet
alone on solid ground.
you've done me no favors
you've brought me no joy
there's no reason to hold on to you.
i'm so much more
than you thought of me
so to myself i'll now be true.
i really must thank you
for leaving me behind
because now that you're truly gone,
you've given me
a chance for happiness.
the show must now go on.

much

it's been one hell of a year.
my mind plays tricks on me.
feels like nothing much has happened,
but pictures tell a different story.

much has happened
and much has changed.
much has taken its toll
and much has left me drained.

somewhere between there and here
much grew in size and weight
and soon much became much too much
not a second or moment too late.

gravity being what it is
pulled down with all its might.
had to let go of way too much
out of mind and out of sight.

it's been one hell of year,
this much i know is true.
this next one excites me tho,
there is much, so much to do.

if i wasn't afraid

if i wasn't afraid
i'd stand on the edge
i'd yell scream and shout
i'd jump
and i'd fly.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd raise my fist
i'd fight this fight
i'd never run and hide
and i'd stay in sight.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd stand tall
i'd steal the spotlight
i'd grab the mic
and i'd make myself heard.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd tell you to fuck off.
i'd tell you that enough is enough.
i'd tell you to shove it
and you'd finally leave me alone.

today, i'm not afraid anymore.

the birth of me

my world was familiar.
comfort around every corner.
nothing new.
in fact, shit's gotten boring.
i knew it was time for change
but damn this rut is sticky
and i can't get a grip.

i must find new footholds.
i must make a new path.
nothing will i recognize.
the customary is out the door.

i throw myself into the black.
thrust my ego into an egoless world.
i sanction this forbidden sanctuary
to save what's left of this sanity.

i won't know my name.
i'll lose sight of my face.
i'll be new to myself
and this province of my life
because the mundane has chased me
and thought it had me cornered
but didn't realize i had my hands down
ready to rip the rug from under our feet.

call me crazy for letting me fall.
call me insane for letting everything go.
call me anything you want.
it falls on the shadow of me.
for i am in new shoes now
and i am steps ahead of myself.
i've died
and this is my rebirth.

this is my resolve.
this is my resolution.
this is my revelation.
and this is my solution.

i was i.
i am now me.

hello world.

vietnam

motor scooters,
iced puddings,
old friends and new.

swimming pools,
rice paddies,
monkeys and zoos.

vietnam a place
once so foreign and strange.
now i shall miss it
for the rest of my days.

i withdraw

to you
the invitation of being by my side
no apologies but i must withdraw.
to the one i thought could be my soulmate,
a love,
a friend,
a wish come true.
i withdraw.
this pain inside,
this emptiness,
this feeling of nothing
despite your everything.
i withdraw.
the skies can only be so blue
before the clouds roll in
desperate to find shelter
solace
sanctuary
into myself i withdraw.
from you.
to me.
withdrawn.
it's been done.
gone.
nothing more to say.

distance

in need of distance

they went their separate ways

one went one way

and the other went the others

never again should the two have met

but this is a world

a big bulbous world

and the distance in the end

only brought them back together.

sacred

nothing is sacred

not anymore

it's ok to steal time

to post a thought

it's ok to stare thru a lens

instead of watching thru your eyes

it's ok to commit to hard drive

instead of your memory

life is being digitalized

we are being reduced to numbers

1 and 0

0 and 1

what a lonely world we're creating

blind

i'm here at your doorstep.
i'm not really sure how.
or why.
but i'm here.
and so the question now becomes:
do i come in?

i don't know.
i really don't know.

limbo

haven't written any new stories.
memories are going stale.
stuck in limbo
between my past and my future.
i hope the present posts my bail.

horizon

there are good things to come.
like a lovely scent
dancing in the folds of a wind
or a heartwarming melody
that can be heard from around the corner.
there are good things to come.

there are good things to come.
like a red sky behind a setting sun
or that perfect spring breeze
that carries us through to warmer days.
there are good things to come.

there are good things to come.
i hope i recognize them when they arrive.
so thankful that the worst is over.
with every bone in my body
and with every breath that i take
i hope that there are good things to come.

there must be good things to come.