It's been a while...

It's been a while since I was last myself....

Two short weeks, and in awe of how little can happen and yet alter so much.

... I'm changed forever.

Two short weeks ago, I tested positive five times to take-home pregnancy tests. With each package I opened I desperately hoped that in five minutes I wouldn't see that second blue line or pink positive sign appear in that second little window. They were always there.

I took blood and urine tests. The results said I had the hormones.

I even had an ultrasound. And there it was. And I couldn't deny it any longer.

And I wanted to keep it... him.. her...

But I didn't. For reasons I accepted, but didn't agree with...

I know it's going to be okay... life is good to me that way... but I just wish that none of this had ever happened...

I am not happy to have had to make the kind of decision I had to make.