everything is being pushed to its limits.
and the environment is seemingly limitless these days.
how far can we realistically push,
before we find ourselves back at square one?
having come full circle, where has one to go from here?
how do you do something new?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
1999 - 2009 / A Retrospective
I don't know the days of innocence.
I don't remember when I didn't know, when I was first discovering, when the world changed. It was always already changed.
Sex, drugs, my rebel ways, always a part of who I was, always a part of the romance of my life, always my calling, my poison, my cure.
And now I've gone cold turkey. I'm returning to the days that were supposed to be mine.
No more fighting. I want peace.
No more binging. I want stability.
No more selfishness. I have others to think of.
No regrets either though.
I still teeter on this seesaw, wondering who I am, where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it.. and then I remember that I'm the only person who can answer these questions. Which means that I can be whoever I want to be, go wherever I choose to go, do whatever I want to do, and do it however I so feel.
Ignorance is bliss? Whatever. It is stupidity. Knowledge is bliss, innocence is divine, and life is a crazy roller coaster just waiting for you to take its ride...
I don't remember when I didn't know, when I was first discovering, when the world changed. It was always already changed.
Sex, drugs, my rebel ways, always a part of who I was, always a part of the romance of my life, always my calling, my poison, my cure.
And now I've gone cold turkey. I'm returning to the days that were supposed to be mine.
No more fighting. I want peace.
No more binging. I want stability.
No more selfishness. I have others to think of.
No regrets either though.
I still teeter on this seesaw, wondering who I am, where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it.. and then I remember that I'm the only person who can answer these questions. Which means that I can be whoever I want to be, go wherever I choose to go, do whatever I want to do, and do it however I so feel.
Ignorance is bliss? Whatever. It is stupidity. Knowledge is bliss, innocence is divine, and life is a crazy roller coaster just waiting for you to take its ride...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I can't do what they do (but I can publish my 100th post)
It's job hunting season... I did this to myself. I had a job, and then I quit it two days later. I've brought this upon myself, like most things in this life....
The job boards are filled with positions for people vastly more qualified than me, for peope with skills I do not possess, for people who's interests are not the same as mine. Where's the job for me?
I am afraid that I know the answer to this question; I've known it all along. I'll never find my job out there because it's not a job that anyone can give me; it's a job I have to create myself.
Shit.
My happiness and success depends on motivating my lazy ass to get up and start making something happen.
Life never was as easy thing, but f*cking hell it's just become a hell of a lot harder...
The job boards are filled with positions for people vastly more qualified than me, for peope with skills I do not possess, for people who's interests are not the same as mine. Where's the job for me?
I am afraid that I know the answer to this question; I've known it all along. I'll never find my job out there because it's not a job that anyone can give me; it's a job I have to create myself.
Shit.
My happiness and success depends on motivating my lazy ass to get up and start making something happen.
Life never was as easy thing, but f*cking hell it's just become a hell of a lot harder...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
It's been a year now...
One year. Three hundred and sixty five days. About 8765 hours, depending on who you ask.
This blog was intended to facilitate the writing of a book. One year later, I'm no closer now than I was then. But how the world around me has otherwise moved on.
America inaugurated a black president. The economy crashed. The swine flu continues to spread. And I am now a married woman.
All these things happen around me, yet daily life hasn't really changed much. Babies still cry on airplanes, people still drunkenly sing their way home down my street on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday nights, and restaurants all over are still looking for serveuses. Movies are still being made, music is still influencing the youth, and drinking a coffee in a cafe seems to never go out of style. Organic is still more expensive than edible crap, the polar ice caps are still melting at record speeds, and Sarkozy is still painfully shorter than his amazonian wife. In fact, the only real tangible difference I can see these days is this ring I wear on my finger.
Funny how that little difference is what is going to make all of the difference.
I don't want my daily life to change, unless it is I who changes it. Perhaps that is why I sit content with my blog for now; for fear that taking that next big step into bookdom might spin my life into a direction I do not know the footing for. But did I not just marry? Did I not just do something new and scary and embark into a world I've never been in before? If I can do that with a man, why can I not find that same courage and do that with myself? For myself?
One year ago I would have never guessed that the world would change as it has, but it did regardless. I'm beginning to believe that anything is truly possible. Perhaps in one year, three hundred and sixty five days, about 8765 hours, depending on who you ask, I'll have written a book, the kind of book I have always dreamt of writing.
God knows, I'm a married woman now. Anything, anything is possible....
This blog was intended to facilitate the writing of a book. One year later, I'm no closer now than I was then. But how the world around me has otherwise moved on.
America inaugurated a black president. The economy crashed. The swine flu continues to spread. And I am now a married woman.
All these things happen around me, yet daily life hasn't really changed much. Babies still cry on airplanes, people still drunkenly sing their way home down my street on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday nights, and restaurants all over are still looking for serveuses. Movies are still being made, music is still influencing the youth, and drinking a coffee in a cafe seems to never go out of style. Organic is still more expensive than edible crap, the polar ice caps are still melting at record speeds, and Sarkozy is still painfully shorter than his amazonian wife. In fact, the only real tangible difference I can see these days is this ring I wear on my finger.
Funny how that little difference is what is going to make all of the difference.
I don't want my daily life to change, unless it is I who changes it. Perhaps that is why I sit content with my blog for now; for fear that taking that next big step into bookdom might spin my life into a direction I do not know the footing for. But did I not just marry? Did I not just do something new and scary and embark into a world I've never been in before? If I can do that with a man, why can I not find that same courage and do that with myself? For myself?
One year ago I would have never guessed that the world would change as it has, but it did regardless. I'm beginning to believe that anything is truly possible. Perhaps in one year, three hundred and sixty five days, about 8765 hours, depending on who you ask, I'll have written a book, the kind of book I have always dreamt of writing.
God knows, I'm a married woman now. Anything, anything is possible....
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Truth Behind These Words
I have made many mistakes in my life. I have taken many risks. I have taken steps when the path wasn't necessarily clear, and I have gotten into cars with strangers. And I feel that life has only rewarded me for it.
Every mistake has become a lesson learned. Every risk proved my fear inutile. Paths have laid themselves out for me, and is it not strangers who eventually become our friends?
I write this blog to share my experiences and my thoughts. I try to keep it short because we're all busy people, with busy lives and busy friends. Hell, I'm even a bit busy from time to time. But regardless of the time that does inherently slip by, this blog is my way of reminding myself that life's not for nothing.
Life's moments and experiences, good and bad, are worth sharing. Amazing the number of people on this earth, and each of their individual stories... mine is but one. And just like every other one, it is unique, and so I choose to pop in from time to time, and put in my two cents.
These past two months since I last posted have been filled with joy and discovery; I have met my future husband, a wonderful man with whom I cannot wait to spend the rest of my days, and am due to marry in exactly one month.
The name will change but the person will not. Life is what it is, and I will always want to tell about it. So I extend my gratitude to those of you who have been following along with me this past year; your company is well appreciated.
I will make an effort to post again on a bit more of a regular basis; even once a week is better than every two months... so until I post again, enjoy the summer -rainy, hot or dry as it may be- and don't forget to embrace life once a day. Does a body good.
;)
Every mistake has become a lesson learned. Every risk proved my fear inutile. Paths have laid themselves out for me, and is it not strangers who eventually become our friends?
I write this blog to share my experiences and my thoughts. I try to keep it short because we're all busy people, with busy lives and busy friends. Hell, I'm even a bit busy from time to time. But regardless of the time that does inherently slip by, this blog is my way of reminding myself that life's not for nothing.
Life's moments and experiences, good and bad, are worth sharing. Amazing the number of people on this earth, and each of their individual stories... mine is but one. And just like every other one, it is unique, and so I choose to pop in from time to time, and put in my two cents.
These past two months since I last posted have been filled with joy and discovery; I have met my future husband, a wonderful man with whom I cannot wait to spend the rest of my days, and am due to marry in exactly one month.
The name will change but the person will not. Life is what it is, and I will always want to tell about it. So I extend my gratitude to those of you who have been following along with me this past year; your company is well appreciated.
I will make an effort to post again on a bit more of a regular basis; even once a week is better than every two months... so until I post again, enjoy the summer -rainy, hot or dry as it may be- and don't forget to embrace life once a day. Does a body good.
;)
Oops
How?
How has it been two months since my last post? I remember writing it like it was just yesterday...
I wonder, what does that then say about the time since then?
It is time lost? wasted? spent? Ha. No.
Far from it.
How has it been two months since my last post? I remember writing it like it was just yesterday...
I wonder, what does that then say about the time since then?
It is time lost? wasted? spent? Ha. No.
Far from it.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
We are all on drugs
It’s halfway through 2009. The world is in a state of financial crisis. There is a health epidemic spreading from Mexico that has every country up in arms. The global climate is worsening everyday as the environment’s final hours are ignored. And we are all on drugs; and then we ask ourselves why.
We live in societies that have maintained their strict rules over centuries, despite the changing times. We are raised in families whose traditions are outdated by the now daily new technologies that alter and supposedly ameliorate our existences. We’re bombarded by a mass media that is controlled by people who have their own agendas. And war brims on all horizons.
So pick your poison.
You can drink. You can go to a doctor and get a prescription for something that will come in a little orange bottle with a childproof cap. Or you can just go to the pharmacy and get pills that’ll help you sleep it all away.
You can also smoke a joint, snort some yeyo, or shoot some smack. There’s also always crack, fake sugar, and coffee.
Who’s not dosed with something?
The question of why is almost rhetoric. We know why.
We work hard (in life, love, and everything else) and most of us see very little in reward.
The world has become depressing. So we need every little thing we can find to put a smile on our faces or at the very least to ease our soul a little bit.
It is a hard thing to be sober in this already sobering existence.
We live in societies that have maintained their strict rules over centuries, despite the changing times. We are raised in families whose traditions are outdated by the now daily new technologies that alter and supposedly ameliorate our existences. We’re bombarded by a mass media that is controlled by people who have their own agendas. And war brims on all horizons.
So pick your poison.
You can drink. You can go to a doctor and get a prescription for something that will come in a little orange bottle with a childproof cap. Or you can just go to the pharmacy and get pills that’ll help you sleep it all away.
You can also smoke a joint, snort some yeyo, or shoot some smack. There’s also always crack, fake sugar, and coffee.
Who’s not dosed with something?
The question of why is almost rhetoric. We know why.
We work hard (in life, love, and everything else) and most of us see very little in reward.
The world has become depressing. So we need every little thing we can find to put a smile on our faces or at the very least to ease our soul a little bit.
It is a hard thing to be sober in this already sobering existence.
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