too much thinking not enough doing

gotta get things done
the forward push is all i need
then momentum will keep me going...

end of an era

the curtain's fallen
the lights are dimmed
the musicians have all gone home.
the seats are empty
the doors are locked
and here i stand alone.
i close my eyes
and i still see
the scene as it once was.
a story that ended
far too soon
as it always does.
t'was a story of love
of pain and love
of pain and love and tears.
t'was a long story
a story neverending
that lasted thru many years.
or so i thought
as i took my bow
thinking this'ld never end.
somehow it did
adieu to love
you're not even just a friend.
with all the years passed
it's hard to envision
the years still yet to come.
i can hardly grasp
the thought of today
i have gone completely numb.
i sit in the dark
i am all alone
and you are far away.
there's a part of me
wanting to wait for you
with hopes you'll be back to play.
but there's a part of me
that wants to stand
and get the fuck away from here.
why keep on holding onto you
when your disdain
is so painfully clear.
no one said goodbye
i just shut the door
before you could utter a sound.
and now i stand
on my own two feet
alone on solid ground.
you've done me no favors
you've brought me no joy
there's no reason to hold on to you.
i'm so much more
than you thought of me
so to myself i'll now be true.
i really must thank you
for leaving me behind
because now that you're truly gone,
you've given me
a chance for happiness.
the show must now go on.

much

it's been one hell of a year.
my mind plays tricks on me.
feels like nothing much has happened,
but pictures tell a different story.

much has happened
and much has changed.
much has taken its toll
and much has left me drained.

somewhere between there and here
much grew in size and weight
and soon much became much too much
not a second or moment too late.

gravity being what it is
pulled down with all its might.
had to let go of way too much
out of mind and out of sight.

it's been one hell of year,
this much i know is true.
this next one excites me tho,
there is much, so much to do.

if i wasn't afraid

if i wasn't afraid
i'd stand on the edge
i'd yell scream and shout
i'd jump
and i'd fly.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd raise my fist
i'd fight this fight
i'd never run and hide
and i'd stay in sight.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd stand tall
i'd steal the spotlight
i'd grab the mic
and i'd make myself heard.
if i wasn't afraid
i'd tell you to fuck off.
i'd tell you that enough is enough.
i'd tell you to shove it
and you'd finally leave me alone.

today, i'm not afraid anymore.

the birth of me

my world was familiar.
comfort around every corner.
nothing new.
in fact, shit's gotten boring.
i knew it was time for change
but damn this rut is sticky
and i can't get a grip.

i must find new footholds.
i must make a new path.
nothing will i recognize.
the customary is out the door.

i throw myself into the black.
thrust my ego into an egoless world.
i sanction this forbidden sanctuary
to save what's left of this sanity.

i won't know my name.
i'll lose sight of my face.
i'll be new to myself
and this province of my life
because the mundane has chased me
and thought it had me cornered
but didn't realize i had my hands down
ready to rip the rug from under our feet.

call me crazy for letting me fall.
call me insane for letting everything go.
call me anything you want.
it falls on the shadow of me.
for i am in new shoes now
and i am steps ahead of myself.
i've died
and this is my rebirth.

this is my resolve.
this is my resolution.
this is my revelation.
and this is my solution.

i was i.
i am now me.

hello world.

vietnam

motor scooters,
iced puddings,
old friends and new.

swimming pools,
rice paddies,
monkeys and zoos.

vietnam a place
once so foreign and strange.
now i shall miss it
for the rest of my days.