late to dream

late to sleep.

late to dream.

early to rise.

memories are fresh on my mind.

a heart stolen.

a heart broken.

you, a blur. always a blur.

impossible to lay a finger.

behind my eyes,

invisible yet always there.

and then i am awake.

and you are gone.

i dare not dream again.

fingertips

this mouth of mine
it isn't mine
it belongs to the brain in my head.

thank goodness however
for these jaws of steel
for without them i'd surely be dead.

appetite aside though
i have my two sides
which are easy to tell apart.

for without my fingertips
and this keyboard
i'd never have a voice for my heart.

mirror

this place is my mirror
a frozen lake
i am on both sides
and am face to face with reflection.
locked away beneath the surface
this reflection is all i've got.

i struggle with what i see.

i do not know how to melt the ice
and break this glass.

i hope this does not last.

believe

you say that people do not change.
i have to believe that they do.
for if no one changed
then pray tell
how am i here with you?

wicked winter

the crooked limbs are slowly revealed
as if the trees are inviting me off my path
and motioning for me to come forth.

the wind whips my hair about my face
blinding me from what lays ahead
and forcing me to stand my ground.

paralyzed with a chill that has slipped under my layers
motivated to simply hibernate
where is my spring when i need it?

the road i want to travel

there is a road ahead
and already i can feel it beneath my feet.
it extends much further beyond
the distance that my eyes can see.

the end of an era

two thousand eleven.

the year of passing
and the year of loss.

the year of tears
and sleepless nights.

this has been a year of
finding oneself lost.

and this year is still
far from over.

this year has marked the end of an era.
an era where all had been well in the world.
and now it's not.

two thousand twelve.
i await you with baited breath.

until then, RIP those we have lost.
these tears they fall for you.

wake

i've never started a story
knowing how it'll end.
i rarely take steps
knowing where they'll lead.
i don't smile
expecting one in return.
and i won't ever
ask someone to change.

life is what it is.
and what will happen will happen.
i will go where i go
and always end up
somewhere else.

i pray no one is hurt in my wake.

here

this path has lead me here.
where to go now ...
to the right is the sunrise.
an open path
blinded by sunlight,
but the breeze carries promises
of possibilities
and tomorrow.
to the left
the woods
carpeted in blinding fog,
the residue of yesterday,
but in my gut i know
that i'll still find my way.
this isn't lost;
i know where i am
and i know where i came from.
i just don't where to go from here.

circle

circling you
encircling me
together we dance
this dizzying dance.

i will hold on to you
until i let go.
your hand will grab onto mine
and then let it go.

face to face
eye to eye
cheek to cheek
and then we're spinning away again.

i am so dizzy.
please let's stop this dance.
circling you
encircling me
i am ready to stand still.

broken window

it doesn't matter how many stones i throw;
all the windows are broken.
let the bulls run wild,
let the rains come down,
let me remember what it feels like again
to be me.

these windows have been broken for so long.
i tried to hide them behind the curtain,
until yet again
a stone i threw.
instead of a crash
there was silence
because i have thrown that stone before.
and why fix the glass
when i might throw that stone again.

swing

how do you know
what's real
and what's not?
where
is the
telltale marker?
cannot accept
science's proposal:
chemicals
in the blood
make me feel this way.
cannot accept
religion:
the one
true god
has a plan.
like a swing,
i'm here,
i'm there.
today and tomorrow
i am
everywhere.

sleepless

tonite it rains again.
the drops are loud against the window.
some of them land on my head.

nightfall

at night it rains.
every night,
it rains.

it is unrelenting.
it is consistent.
it is soft.

and then
it stops.

just.

like.

t
h
a
t
.



.


.
.
and then it starts again.

time

there is a contradiction
that can be felt
and exists within time:
it can be counted
- it IS counted -
and yet time both drags and slips
right thru our fingers.

perhaps time is not being measured
by the right parameters.

perhaps time isn't meant to be measured at all.

for when you lose a person you love,
the time you knew them
doesn't change
one ounce
of the sadness,
the denial,
the grief,
and the number of tears
that fall.

love is love.
and love is timeless.

if i could speak

Where there are no words
How do you find them?
When there is a void
How do you fill it?
When the emotion is overwhelming
Where do you begin?

Speechless
and
empty
and
lost.
So lost.

je ne peux plus

j'essaie j'essaie
j'essaie comme une foule
mais je ne peux plus.
j'suis desolee mon amour,
mon dieu,
moi,
mais je ne peux plus.
je veux oh comme je veux
mais je peux pas.
je ne peux plus.
pardonnez-moi
j'aurais jamais essayer.
je me connais mieux que ca
j'avais tort
malgre la faite que j'aimerais bien...
j'suis desolee
mais je ne peux plus.

a helping hand

In an effort to help a friend reach a wider audience, I am posting a link here to her beautiful little bed and breakfast, Birchcliffe Bed & Breakfast. It's located in Hebden Bridge, a gorgeous little market town in West Yorkshire in northern England... If ever you find yourself in that neck of the woods, you should definitely look into staying there! Check it out: http://birchcliffebandb.co.uk

grandpa

dear grandpa

are you with grandma now? is what they say true? are you watching me now from above?

did you know i came to visit you? i promised you that i would. i'm sorry i couldn't come sooner. i'm sorry i couldn't stay by your side longer.

grandpa, i'm sorry i didn't call more often. i thought about you every day. i have many pictures of you that i always keep close. you are so special to me.

i wish we could go back to that autumn day at your apartment. you were so full of energy, so excited to show me your latest pieces of art. we ate cookies and drank coffee. grandpa, on that day, in flesh and blood, you were 95 years young.

grandpa, you are forever in my heart and you will last a lifetime in my memories.

i hope that what they say is true, because that would mean that you're not alone up there. so until next we meet, i'll be thinking of you, and missing you dearly.

grandpa, i love you.

a tale of two sisters

The last time they saw each other it was as if no time had passed.

Old wounds were rendered fresh,

and the distance they had come only found them back at square one.

They shared very little common ground,

but that little ground

meant the world to them.

Everyday they would convene

to stand watch over the grandfather they loved

as he rested in his hospital bed.

They would take turns holding his hand,

speaking to him softly,

but loud enough to overcome the chatter around them.

They would do all this together,

but from opposite sides of his bed.

It felt like opposite sides of the earth.

As the days progressed

and their grandfather weakened,

the two sisters were more akin to strangers.

The conversations between them had ended.

No more time was spent together.

They would once and for all go their separate ways.

On their last night in the same town,

the eldest sister prepared a meal for her parents.

It was to be a quiet evening at home.

But an unexpected guest arrived.

With trepidation she approached her sister

and then uttered five words:

"Grandpa waved to me tonight."

In an instant, those five words erased all that had come before them.

The two sisters embraced one another

and in their last night together

they managed to find reasons to laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy.

Sisterhood means different things to different people.

In the case of this tale of these two sisters,

sisterhood simply means love, despite everything, love.

deja vu

life is a moment.

and then another one.

and then a third.

every moment brings with it

happiness

sadness

surprises

and with a little bit of luck

a whole lot of sunshine.

sometimes life pulls a deja vu

and altho the situation's changed

the feeling is reminiscent.

as if you've felt that before.

that's what now is.

grief is heading my way.

i've felt it before.

and now i'm due to feel it again.

this is no good.

these imminent events.

this is no good.

you changed me

it can take a long time for a person to become a part of your life.

or it can happen overnight.

you, you took a weekend.

pictures are misleading.

they feel like yesterday.

they were taken so many years ago.

we grew together,

and we grew apart.
together again we grow,
and i know,
that being with you is changing me.